Fear Allah with regards to your wives

by Asma bint Shameem

A Muslim sister killed and then decapitated at the hands of her own husband!
Another beaten and bruised for the pettiest of reasons….for not being able to cook to his liking!
And yet another shunned, tortured then divorced just because she didn’t give birth to a male child!
And the list for domestic violence goes on and on…..

Subhaan Allaah!
Are we living in the twenty-first century or is this the time of jaahilliyah?
And these are Muslims, yes Muslims, who are carrying out these vicious acts of barbarism and cruelty!

The recent murder of a sister at the hands of her own husband is surely a wake-up call for all us Muslims. But it should be especially so for all those brothers out there who abuse and torture their wives and lash out at them in moments of anger, for anything and everything that just doesn’t suit their fancy.
This is a kind of behavior that cannot, should not, and will not be tolerated in the Muslim community.

I want to ask those brothers who abuse their wives, hit them for every little thing and torture them physically, mentally and verbally……
Does Islaam really allow you to beat your wives and hurt them in this manner?!!
Where in the Sharee’ah does it say that it is okay to abuse your spouse and oppress her however you like?!!
Did the Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) EVER treat any of his wives that way?!!
Would Allaah be pleased with such an action of yours?!!
What would you say to Him when you stand in front of Him one Day?!!

These are some of the questions you need to seriously ask yourself.

Yes, it is true that Allaah has ordered the wife to obey her husband and he is the head of the household. But just as she must obey you, you must love and respect her too. Don’t forget that she has rights over you too. Allaah says:

“… And they (women) have rights (over their husbands…) similar (to those of their husbands) over them, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them…” [al-Baqarah:228].

Ibn ‘Abbaas said concerning this aayah: “It is their (women’s) right to good companionship and proper treatment on the part of their husbands, and their duty to obey and do what their husbands tell them to do.”
Ibn Zayd said: “Fear Allaah with regard to them (wives) just as they should fear Allaah with regard to you.”

Don’t you realize that Allaah has enjoined upon you to treat your wives in a good and proper manner and to treat your family well? She is to be honored and treated kindly, even if there may be something about her that you don’t like.

“and live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allaah brings through it a great deal of good” [al-Nisa’:19]

And don’t you remember that you are a shepherd and you are responsible for your flock?
The Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

“Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you is responsible for his flock (those under his care)… a man is the shepherd over the members of his household and he is responsible for them…”(Bukhari, Muslim)

And if you fail in your responsibility towards your wives, do you realize what a big sin that is?!! Do you want to risk Jannah for that?!!

“There is no person to whom Allaah has given responsibility and dies neglecting that responsibility, but Allaah will deny him Paradise.” (Muslim)

Doesn’t it occur to you that violence with your wife is a violation of the trust which Allaah has entrusted you with?
The Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

“Fear Allaah with regard to women, for you have taken them as a trust from Allaah…….” (Muslim)

Isn’t the manners of the Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) a good enough example for you?

Our Prophet (sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa sallam) said:

“The best of you is the one who is best towards his wife, and I am the best of you towards my wives.” (Tirmidhi, Ibn Maajah, saheeh by al-Albaani).

And I want to remind you, my brother, that oppression is haraam.
Allaah says in a Hadeeth Qudsi:

“O My servants, I have forbidden oppression for Myself and have made it forbidden amongst you, so do not oppress one another.” (Muslim)

Never forget that the one who will behave in this manner will have a painful punishment. That’s because Allah is watching you and able to deal with you however He likes and whenever He likes.
Allaah says:

“The way (of blame) is only against those who oppress men and rebel in the earth without justification; for such there will be a painful torment” [al-Shooraa:42]

And lastly, don’t misuse the verse (Surah al-Nisa’:34) about admonishing the wife, forsaking her bed and then ‘hitting’ her if you suspect some ill-conduct from her. That ‘hitting’ is not really ‘hitting’ at all. It is supposed to be just a light tapping with something small. And that too, ONLY in case of serious moral misconduct after talking, advising and keeping away fails. Someone asked Ibn ‘Abbaas, “What is the kind of hitting that is not harsh?” He said, “It is with a siwaak and the like.”

So think about this issue and remember that the men who are violent against their wives are not really MEN at all. They are actually cowards who want to use their physical strength to overcome their own insecurities, helplessness and lack of self-confidence. So be a REAL MAN and fear Allaah with regards to your wives and treat them kindly.
May Allaah enable us to see the Truth and practice Islaam in the real sense of the word. Ameen.