In what state will I be….?
By Asma Bint Shameem
Today I share some thoughts with you that run through my head
This is what I so often think as I lay here on my bed
What would I be doing and in what state will I be….
That day when Malak ul-Maut will approach me?
For surely he will knock on my door, oh so suddenly
My choice of place or time, it’s not going to be
On the day that I meet him, what will I do?
There’s no hiding that day, no one to run to
What will be my response to him? O What will I say?
I didn’t prepare for this….please come back another day?!
Please go back…go back. I’m just not ready yet!
Just a few more minutes…seconds… any time that I can get!
I would want to say goodbye but he wouldn’t let me
I would want another chance but that surely couldn’t be
When he will come for me, I wonder, will I be in heedlessness
Worrying little of the hereafter, in my state of carelessness
Or would I be the one who loves and lives upon the Sunnah?
Would the last words on my tongue be la illaaha illAllaah?
Would my kafan be made of silk, being sent from Heaven above?
Would it be so soft, so fragrant, wrapping my soul with love?
Or would it be so rough, so ugly, made of fire from Hell
A wrath, a torment from my Lord, full of nasty smell?
And what would happen when they bury me, six feet underground
When they lay me on my bed of dust, with no one else around
So scared and alone….the thought keeps haunting me
In what state will I be….when the angels will question me?
Will I be able to answer them….the questions they will ask
It seems so easy now….but what a lofty task!
Will I be scared to see them, will they be of horror to me?
Will I be able to bear them, when they sit in front of me?
Will I be able to give them those answers so easily?
Or will I stumble and stagger….not knowing, confusedly?
Will I stutter and stammer just like a hypocrite would?
Or would I be able to respond to them just as a Mu’min should?
Will my grave be a piece of Jannah, green and open wide…
with Mercy from my Lord so Kind, my good deeds on my side?
Will I rest in my grave ever so peacefully?
Or will my grave be a wretched place of torture for me?
I pray my grave is not a bed…of torment and agony
I hope so earnestly that my Rabb will forgive me
And when everyone will be raised with the rest of humanity
In what state will I be…..when my Lord will resurrect me?
Will I be pleased to see my Rabb? Will I be eager to greet Him?
But more importantly will HE be pleased with me, the Day I meet Him?
Will my face be black with sin that day or will it be shining white?
Will my scale of deeds weigh heavy for me….would it be feather light?
O where will I run then …where will I hide? This is what scares me!
In what state will I be….when the book of deeds is handed to me?
Will it be given in my left hand or I will hold it in my right?
Will I be guided firm on the Siraat; my Imaan so big, so bright?
Will I be among the wretched or will Allaah be pleased with me?
In what state will I be…when I stand in front of the Almighty?
I shudder and I tremble when I think of that Great Day
When I ask myself…”Am I ready to meet my Lord today?”
I cry as I lay here….thinking. I shed my wretched tears
Please forgive me O Allaah, how I wasted all those years
I sinned all my life Yaa Maalik, Oh how I forsook you
Unless you forgive me O Allah, how can I meet you?!
My sins are so heavy Yaa Rabb, I can hardly bear the weight
But I’m hoping for your Mercy, Allaah, don’t leave me to my fate
For how long will I live? I don’t know when I’ll die
But like the prophet said I should expect it so close by
Let me stop this way of life; let me snap out of this trance
Let me turn my life around now that I have this perfect chance
‘Cos today I am closer to my Lord than I was yesterday
Did it ever occur to me that today could be my last day?